http://kendallpayne.com/news.html Kendall Payne: the news Jannis' PHPRss class - http://www.jannis.to/ Thu, 09 Sep 2010 01:03:50 -0700 http://kendallpayne.com/news.html#66 http://kendallpayne.com/news.html#66 Thu, 26 Aug 2010 00:00:00 -0700 The Official Kendall Payne Website - Kendall Payne - the news http://kendallpayne.com/news.html#65
Well, I told you I'd let you know the MINUTE it was available, and that is precisely what I'm doing!

The long awaited album "Wounds to Scars" is officially released!!!

(whooooo hooooo!!! I can hear you cheering along with me! Really, I can! Smile)

Right now it's just in digital download-able form at cdbaby.com but that's only because the hard copies (the actual cd's) are still in-route and will get there in a day or two. Don't worry, I will drop you a line when they get there to remind you.

So, if you're a digital person (like me) follow this link...

http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/kpayne6

and your life will be forever changed in incalculable ways!!! Haha. Well, maybe that's a 'squidge' dramatic, but you'll at least have some cool new music.

You'll be hearing from me again real real soon when hard-copies arrive. Or you could pre-order right now and it will be shipped the moment they are in stock.


I love ya!
Now go support your favorite red-headed independent artist!!!
-Kendall Payne



www.kendallpayne.com

www.facebook.com/kendallpayne

www.twitter.com/kendall_payne]]> http://kendallpayne.com/news.html#65 Mon, 12 Oct 2009 00:00:00 -0700 The Official Kendall Payne Website - Kendall Payne - the news http://kendallpayne.com/news.html#64 Overview- Postpartum depression is moderate to severe depression in a woman after she has given birth.

Symptoms- Most of the symptoms are the same as in major depression. In addition to depressed mood, you may have the following symptoms nearly every day:
Ӣ Agitation and irritability- (I totally have this!!! Just ask Tyler, my husband)
Ӣ Decreased appetite (Well, not really this one unfortunately)
Ӣ Difficulty concentrating or thinking (Does it count if I suffer from this year round???)
Ӣ Feelings of worthlessness or guilt (Not the guilt, but worthlessness- absolutely!)
”¢ Feeling withdrawn, socially isolated, or unconnected (funny how this feeling washes over you, even though I’m connected online to so many people”¦ still you can feel so alone)
Ӣ Lack of pleasure in all or most activities (Yes! I keep trying to look forward to things but they just make me feel bored and unmotivated.)
”¢ Loss of energy experienced (kinda, I guess. I’m more energetic than the average person so it’s hard to tell that I’ve got less energy cause I’m usually bouncing off the walls)
”¢ Negative feelings toward the baby (Sometimes I’ll listen to my album and think it’s the best thing ever and then sometimes I’ll listen to it and literally say to myself, “who am I kidding??”)
”¢ Trouble sleeping (Can’t fall asleep at night but don’t want to get up in the morning!)


So here’s the scoop, I think I am suffering from postpartum depression. There’s only one problem with this diagnosis, I don’t have a baby. But I’ve decided that making an album (writing all the songs, recording them and then the final push to put it out in the world) is a lot like the process of gestation and then a giving birth. So that is what makes me think I’ve got it. I’m not mocking, I swear! I’m being totally serious!

I hate being such a downer, I’m normally "Miss Positive"! I’ve been so grateful for all your feedback on my new website and a lot of people have commented that they like the more “smiley” pictures, not so much the serious ones. And that has really made me start thinking about my music (the topics and feelings I write about) and the public persona I project to the world.

For the most part I’m a happy-go-lucky sort of gal, but then there’s seasons of my life when I am not ”˜feeling it’. Seasons when I get down in the dumps. Seasons when I loose motivation for things I used to enjoy. Seasons when boredom overwhelms me and I don’t feel creative or inspired whatsoever. These seasons scare me and every time they descend upon me I wonder if they will ever lift. They always do, but for a few days (or weeks) it can feel like a dark vortex sucking me down. Often times that’s where my deepest songs come from.

And now that I’ve recorded 6 albums, I know with some certainty that these feelings are part-and-parcel of my own experience. I thought with gearing up to release “wounds to scars” I was going slide by without any negative repercussions, but here I am. And it's funny because I only get depressed BEFORE the actual release, once it's out there, I seem to go back to normal. I think that has to do with my own unfulfilled expectations and desire to be valuable in the music world. (and that is of course defined by my very skewed interpretation of the term 'valuable') It's primal fears, the desire to feel significant, all that basic psych stuff that I'm already aware of and working through.

There is a popular therapist who has a radio program that people often call into and ask how to “fix” their feelings. One of my favorite things she says is, “Well, that sounds pretty normal, and unfortunately, I can’t cure normal.” What a wonderful and depressing sentiment- “You can’t cure normal.”

What is left to do then? Endure it, I guess. Endure the normal ups and downs of life. And allow the process to make you grow wide within yourself, grow more acquainted with your own personality. Though it’s not glamorous, it’s important work to do. Trust me, I don’t like it anymore than you do. I wish there was a pill or piece of advice to turn it all around. But it seems to be a slow and deliberate uphill climb, one that makes you stronger , smarter and deeper in the end.

But, I must say, I do feel a little bit better getting this off my chest! ☺
Thanks for reading!
Much love,
kendall]]> http://kendallpayne.com/news.html#64 Thu, 27 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0700 The Official Kendall Payne Website - Kendall Payne - the news http://kendallpayne.com/news.html#63
New albums call for new websites. They say you gotta keep re-inventing yourself I guess. But actually, that's not true at all in my case! In fact, "Wounds to Scars" is classic Kendall. Haunting melodies with meaningful lyrics. That's what I've always done best, and I'm sticking to it.

So...'yay' for new things and 'yay' for things that stay the same!
Much love,
kp]]> http://kendallpayne.com/news.html#63 Mon, 24 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0700 The Official Kendall Payne Website - Kendall Payne - the news http://kendallpayne.com/news.html#62
Hey Kendall,

So this week, Because of the huge success we've had at our AC station, we are adding the song to our older and more established CHR station, Love 89 (It has about 70,000 listeners to Life 88.3's 30,000). Plus this add will show up in all the trades since Love 89 is a reporter to all of them. Thanks for making such great music, record label or not.

--
-Kris Love

Love 89.1 Mornings/Music Director
Life 88.3 Music Director

865-521-8910 Ext 224

1621 E Magnolia Ave
Knoxville, TN 37917

Listen Live at www.love89.org

Listen Live at www.life883.org]]> http://kendallpayne.com/news.html#62 Wed, 12 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0700 The Official Kendall Payne Website - Kendall Payne - the news http://kendallpayne.com/news.html#61
I didn’t get a call back, and I am surprisingly saddened. I know enough to realize my sadness is not just about this particular rejection. But it stems from a much deeper rejection. I know I’m not alone in this feeling, and so I will try to explain where I’m coming from, trusting that you have one or two similar experiences. These are the things that shape us, that wound us, that cause us to need God and cause us to be disappointed with God.

When I first started singing, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was my destiny to become one of ”˜The Greats”. And at a young age I wrapped that general belief in myself up with a ”˜name-it and claim-it’ faith. When I was dropped from Capitol Records I began, for the first time to doubt. Doubt myself, my talent, my overly simplistic view of God. Everything went under the microscope, and I have never fully recovered.

It feels like no one has ever believed in me since those days. Of course, my Husband, Mom and Dad, family and friends have but no-one on a professional level. No label, no manager, no booking agent has ever pursued me. I still don’t know why that is, and it has taken a considerable toll on my ego. It makes me feel like I’m alone in the world. That I alone am responsible for making it happen.

When we doubt ourselves it shakes the foundations of everything. I have wondered so many times if I am just fooling myself because if I were really all that good, wouldn’t someone want to represent me? Wouldn’t someone see my potential and say, “I am going to make a star out of you!” Wouldn’t someone believe in me enough to want to work with me? Because what I have rationalized is that, if I were as good as I think I am, then yes, someone would seek me out.

Instead I have sought everyone out, and I feel tired of doing that. Its like asking someone on a date over and over, and being rejected over and over. It begins to make you feel worthless and undesirable.


Last year a friend of mine and I went to San Francisco to audition for American Idol. It’s not like you think, there was no Simon, Paula or Randy. There was 10,000 people crammed into an auditorium, after hours of promo filming they lead each section down to the middle of the arena. 10 tables, divided by black clothes spanned the length of the floor. We were put into rows of 4. When it was finally your turn to sing, you stepped up, sing maybe a chorus length of a song, they interrupt you and say, “thank you” then you step back and the next person in line gets up to sing.

It was mortifying, degrading and I regret doing it. Oh and I didn’t even make it through that round!!! I walked out of the building with so much sadness and self doubt. Yes, I’ve made a living for the last decade as a singer. I’ve had music featured on television shows and films. I have toured with famous people and still, this moment made me doubt everything, once again.

There will be a song on my upcoming album entitled “Idol”- you can guess where the inspiration came for that one.

Anyways, maybe now you can understand a fraction more of why yesterday was such a big deal for me. Putting myself at someone else’s mercy, admitting (by auditioning) that I wanted something. And even if it wasn’t right timing or the right fit for me, it still hurts to want something and not get it.

The problem is, it makes me want to do only that which is in my control. I have such an insatiable optimism that anything is possible. And in general I feel that life has worked out for me with that philosophy. I like things to happen to me. Because for some reason in my head I rationalize that means it was “meant to be”. If I make it happen, then maybe it’s not real. For example, if you get a new haircut and a stranger stops you in the street and says, “WOW! Your haircut is AWESOME!” you feel all the more confident because it’s unsolicited. When you go home and say to your husband, “I just got a hair cut, do you like it?” he HAS to say yes.

This concept of “meant to be” is really hard for me to let go of. It’s hard for me to untangle my spiritual perspective from it also. If God wants something to happen, he makes it happen, right? Then why do children die, or are molested or are kidnapped? See, it’s just not that black and white, but for some reason it’s just so hard for me to accept the grays.

And that is where I am right now, a little sad. A little wanting to put my PJ’s on, crawl into bed and watch everything recorded on my DVR, and pretend that I don’t care. But I do care. And sometimes that is hard to admit, that we care about something. Not sure how to end this, but thought I’d post it just because I haven’t posted anything in so long. Hope it didn’t bore you.
Much love,
kp]]> http://kendallpayne.com/news.html#61 Tue, 11 Aug 2009 00:00:00 -0700 The Official Kendall Payne Website - Kendall Payne - the news http://kendallpayne.com/news.html#60
Simply search "Kendall Payne" then a whole bunch of people will show up that are not me.

Go to the bottom of the page and type in the email address kendall@kendallpayne.com then you will see me with a black background. That is the new Facebook Fan Page.

Be my friend and spread the word, all are welcome, the more the merrier!

-kp]]> http://kendallpayne.com/news.html#60 Mon, 02 Mar 2009 00:00:00 -0800 The Official Kendall Payne Website - Kendall Payne - the news http://kendallpayne.com/news.html#59
You'll just have to wait until the next record comes out to hear it though!

Sorry! :-)
Much love,
kp]]> http://kendallpayne.com/news.html#59 Mon, 02 Mar 2009 00:00:00 -0800 The Official Kendall Payne Website - Kendall Payne - the news http://kendallpayne.com/news.html#58

He gave us plenty, plenty to share; and the good sense to know what’s fair
He gave us power The knowledge of right He gave us strength to brave a fight
So we have no excuse and no defense
There is not one that can plead innocent
We have a state of shameful tolerance
And so you pray to God asking Him to intervene
To set it right, to stand up for the weak and the unseen
And still you pray to God ask Him what He’s gonna do
He might ask the same of you
He gave us resource, more than enough to fill both hearts and hunger up
He gave us Jesus who died to proclaim “As you have seen in me do the same”
So we have no excuse and no defense
There is not one that can plead innocent
We have a state of shameful tolerance
And so we pray to God with our days from dust to dust
Is there a better world to have? It seems there must (be)
And still we pray to God, when will He make it just?
He might ask the same of us]]> http://kendallpayne.com/news.html#58 Fri, 06 Feb 2009 00:00:00 -0800 The Official Kendall Payne Website - Kendall Payne - the news http://kendallpayne.com/news.html#57
#1. Heat. Hotness. Being hot. Being stuck in a hot place and not being able to get away from it. Which includes sitting in or being exposed to direct sunlight.

#2. Traffic. Sitting in it. When there is no logical reason for it. Just because some looky-lou decided to hit their breaks and cause a chain reaction of hundrededs of cars who will then have to sit in the hot direct sunlight for an additional hour when it should only take 15 minutes.

#3. Spam. Nasty, stupid, annoying, takes-me-20-minutes-to-erase-it-all, spam in my guestbook. I'm told it happens because my website is SO popular and gets so much traffic that the spamers of the world are drawn to it like moths to a flame... but honestly I don't think I'm that popular.

And oh yea, I hate Supermodels too.. but that goes without saying.

:-)]]> http://kendallpayne.com/news.html#57 Fri, 06 Feb 2009 00:00:00 -0800 The Official Kendall Payne Website - Kendall Payne - the news