Kendall Payne: the news

GROWN will be re-released with two new tracks, remixing and remastering on Tuesday, September 27th! To celebrate, we're giving away a brand new electric guitar. Just sign up through this nifty e-card at: http://www.bhtrecords.com/ecards/kendallpayne/main.php
The card lets you listen to tracks, get buddy icons, etc.

I just got home last night from my 2 week Europe trip. It was AMAZING! First I played at a festival in Gouda, Holland. The people I stayed with were exceptional. It felt like family. The Dutch people are very direct and straight forward. Some people dont' like that. I far prefer it. Most people never say something negative to your face, but they say everything they want behind your back. Even if it hurts, at least the Dutch are honest. The festival got rained out and we had to move it indoors to a nearby church. Which had beautiful stained glass windows. I think it worked out for the best!

Then it was off to England for Greenbelt. I cannot say enough about this festival! It was truly inspiring in so many ways. The speakers, the artists, the friendships, the organic beer tent! Praise the Lord! It was heavenly. In all seriousness, I was so honored by all the people who came to my shows. On the last night I didn't want to get off stage, so much love!

So thanks all you Europeaners! I sure did have fun!

Tyler's phone rang at 6:30am. Whenever a phone call comes at that hour it is never good news. Especially since we left the hospital at 11pm last night. After a long battle with a little known disease, Gerd Otto Max Krohn (Tyler's grandfather) passed away today August 16, 2005.

Leaving behind a wife of 60 years, 4 children, 18 grandchildren and an ever-increasing number of great grand children. I never knew him when he was well, when Tyler and I started dating he had already been rapidly decreasing in health. I am grateful his suffering is over; it became a battle to breath and swallow in the end. His body was broken. But now the sadness and suffering begins for his Ilse, our Omi.

Being newly married, I cannot imagine a greater destiny than spending the next 60 years with Tyler. I even more cannot imagine the day we will have to say goodbye to each other from our earthly lives. What would it be like to give your heart, body and soul to someone for more than half a century and one day they are gone? No more kisses goodnight, no more holiday meals, no more long car rides. No more new memories, only old ones now.

The character of William Wallace said it best in Braveheart, “All men die, few men ever really live.” To love is to live. Or as CS Lewis puts it, "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it up carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable... The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers... of love is hell."

With death so real this morning I reminded that it is truly a blessed hope that I cling to. A hope that God is real, that he knit me together in my mothers womb, rejoiced in my birth, enjoyed my existence and is waiting on the other side for me preparing a place for us to dwell together forever. Is this an offensive message? I think not. It is a blessed hope. We would do far better as Christians to stop trying to “sell” the gospel for stars on our chore chart. Instead, be vulnerable with others about our doubts and fears and with tremendous tenderness our hope, Jesus.

Tyler had to leave for school at 7:30am so after a bowl of oatmeal and cup of coffee I lit a fire and turned on some soft music. I sat for a while and thought about how grateful I am for my life. Omi was so proud to be “Mrs. Krohn” and ever since Tyler and I got married that is all she calls me when she sees me. “Hello Mrs. Krohn!” she says with a wink and a smile. I am proud and grateful to be a part of their family.

“It is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all.”

Much Love;
Kendall (Payne) Krohn

Hey Everyone;

Well life is getting back to normal, sort of! I'm sure any of you who are married know how much fun the first month together is. We honeymooned in Laugna Beach, which is in southern California. I told Tyler that I travel enough with my job, I didn't want to sit on a plane for 5 hours and then take a whole day to finally relax. So we decided to stay local. We ate and drank ourselves silly! Rented bikes and rode up and down the main street. Window shopping and talking about life... it was truly romantic! I'll write more later... just wanted to say hi for now!

Much Love
Kendall Payne (Krohn)

Dave my manager told me I needed to post comments more often, so I put my fingers to typing and turns out I’ve got a whole lot to say! What I’ve chosen to journal about in these paragraphs is some pretty honest material- quite self-disclosing. You can judge me if you like- but I’d hope you’d remember your own weakness and muster up a little compassion. We all have flat sides- this I am sure of. The mark of maturity is not finally ridding yourself of them; it is the willingness to admit them. And with a deep revelation of God’s acceptance- have a good laugh at them.

I just returned home from a convention in Nashville Tennessee called GMA (Gospel Music Awards). Someone told me it should stand for “Give Me Attention”. They say ‘the truth hurts’, I think the truth is funny. The trip was fascinating. I must embarrassingly admit that I love attending the event. Most of the Nashville natives despise it with a passion and most of the artists who gather there grumble and moan their way through it. Which is so silly to me. If you’re going to do something why make it miserable by having a bad attitude? You only end up bringing yourself and everyone else around you down. Maybe that’s my dad’s voice coming out- but it seems to make sense. Attitude is everything!

Being the incorrigible extrovert that I am, I thrive off the saying “a stranger is just a friend I’ve yet to meet”. And so Sunday through Wednesday the Lobby of the Renaissance hotel in downtown Nashville was crawling with potential new friends (and a whole lot of old ones too). The million-dollar question that everyone had for me was, “where have you been?” It might have been a more efficient use of time had I just read them my bio. But I’ve never been one who put a high priority on efficiency- that’s Tyler’s passion. So instead, I sat with countless people and got to tell my story over and over and over again.

I wanted to write about this weeks experience because I was changed in a profound way. I don’t know if I’ll be able to fully communicate it, because it would take pages and pages explaining the history of my previously, and still somewhat presently held beliefs about God, destiny and our purpose on this planet. Maybe that will be my next book! For now I only wanted to journal some simple thoughts.

Four full and glorious days, with interviews practically every hour where everyone wanted to talk about my favorite subject… ME! I was astonished at how quickly I remembered how much I like to talk about myself! Some people struggle with lust. Some people greed, others ‘backsliding’ or murderous thoughts. But I am constantly amazed at my own arrogance. I believe there is always a strength to each weakness- on the better days my ‘arrogance’ looks and feels like ‘confidence’.

So this is what I’ve realized. I was made to give glory to something. Left to my own devices and logic- I give glory to myself. I often think I am really good at everything I do. But now my story and my life contain some darker, less confident moments. The season I endured of being dropped from a label and not knowing if I would ever get the chance to create music again was thoroughly humbling. And in a million tiny ways I have, through the heartache, begun to see my weakness and my inabilities. The beautiful, and painful truth is that I am not worthy of the glory. That is why I sing about and continue to believe in a God who is infinitely worthy. And that’s my lesson for this week. Its simple, it’s sweet- I remembered why I do what I do and who I do it for.

I wanted to write something, but truth be told, I have absolutely nothing to say. Now that is rare!

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who visits the site often and leaves me little comments on the Guestbook. If you haven't left your mark yet- do it now!

Much Love!

I awoke this morning at 4:40 AM to my tiny cell phone making the most ghastly noise. I can't believe such a little machine can get so loud. Anyways, I stumbled out to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee and I began dialing.

My wonderful friend Steve in the UK who works for Fierce! Distribution had set up an entire day of phone appointments. Everyone was so kind and sympathetic to my croaking voice and semi-coherent thoughts.

I just wanted to tell you all this so you know how hard I have to work! Ha-ha! I spent 7 hours on the phone today talking about myself! Now that is EXHAUSTING!

Thanks to all my new friends who I met on the phone today! Keep doing what you do! We all really appreciate it!

Make sure you check out the photo gallery to see some new images. And I'm slowly but surely uploading all the music from the new album Grown. Be sure to click on the song title to get the lyrics and a little background info about the song and why I wrote it.

Check out the My Space profile that Tim Schoenhals (my producer) has put together. It will be a great way to get the word out on upcoming shows. I will also put special blogs and photos I won't have on my official site. www.myspace.com/kendallpayne

To me, working out early in the morning embodies the sentiment of adding insult to injury. Am I really this delusional? Let me tell you what happened today. My friend stopped by this afternoon and invited me to work out with her tomorrow morning at 5:30 AM. And I honestly thought I was going to do it. I was pumped! I looked her in the eye and said, "I'll be there!" I think I even said "thanks for inviting me". In a court of law I'd plead temporary insanity! Because it's just after midnight now and there's no way in hell I'm getting up in 5 hours! Here's my general rule of thumb- If I'm not being paid, I usually let the sun get up first.

When I told Tyler about my plans for tomorrow morning- he laughed at me. Can you believe that? I was insulted (grin). How dare he lack faith in my commitment to health and fitness! How dare he question my strength of will power! I had prepared a lecture for him on "believing the best in someone". But now all I belive in is sleeping in!

Lesson of the day- sometimes your fiance knows you better than you know yourself. But do not hate him for this. Only smile to yourself and say, "it takes a brilliant woman to choose such a brilliant man".

"You are what you love, not what loves you." a quote from the movie Adaptation.

I fall in love, and MY feelings are just that... Mine! His feelings (god bless 'em) have nothing to do with it. Though it might sound selfish at first, it is simply an ownership issue. And when we "own" ourselves, we are far less likely to try and "own" others. Love is not possession

But we become frozen, afraid that who we love will not return that love- therefore we do not dare to feel for others until we are assured that they will reciprocate our affection.

There is much freedom, and great fear in this statement, "I love you. And that love is not contingent on being loved in return." When we care for someone- we feel, almost at their mercy, so heartbroken to discover they do not care for us in the same way.

Do not be afriad of your feelings, even if they are never returned. Though I hope (for your sake and happiness) they are. Go ahead and love unashamedly, and do not insist that they match your affection.

For a long while this will feel like only weakness and loss. But at the end of all the awful vulnerability you will discover its power, and you will feel strong again.

Ok, this should allow me to talk to you anytime I want! Cd Baby has made an amazing program that will allow me to update you on my time table! It's so exciting. Sorry it's taken me so long to "get with the program" But hopefully this will be the answer to all my problems! You'll be hearing from me soon- I promise.

Thats right everybody! No more boyfriends for me! Because on December 18th my "boyfriend" Tyler Krohn asked me to marry him! (and I said yes yes yes yes yes yes yes) I am one happy girl! Check out the photos to see the ring and the boy!